Just some Balderdash
I wanted to put down a few thoughts this morning, give voice to them, try to understand what wants to be expressed. A question keeps rising, "Why Write?" and more specifically, "Why Write Online?"
I have a few reasons I can point to. I remember growing up with YouTube, making videos, editing, posting, etc. and having the feeling that I wanted my art to be seen, that some sort of engagement was desired. And for a certain period of time it felt like I was participating in something, that I had a place I was contributing to.
I don't know exactly where the change occured. At some level there may have always been a lingering feeling that what I was doing was not being seen or appreciated. But eventually that became the overwhelming feeling for me when it came to the internet.
Some of this was driven by environmental factors. I remember when video responses were gotten rid of on YouTube, when ads became more and more of a presence, and monetization took priority. This isn't simply to lay blame; it makes sense that a business would prioritize profit.
What am I trying to get at here? I'm trying to explain to myself why I'm again drawn to post online. I stopped because I felt disillusioned with the whole thing. I no longer felt welcome in the same spaces. But I also think I didn't want to keep contributing to the problem. I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I was using the internet in unhealthy ways. My consumption patterns were not making me happy. And so, why should I continue to add to the vast sea of content, only to go unnoticed and contribute to the glut of information?
At present, I'm still not happy with how I use the internet. But passively consuming almost feels less healthy than being an active participant. There is simply too much information to know what to do with, and I continue to feel it's pull.
I think there needs to be a reckoning with how I manage it, with what I actually allow into my life, and how to discern what that is. There really is no keeping up with it in terms of novelty. So, if we aren't here for novelty, what are we here for?